How the rhino got its skin

So, for some reason I have awoken this morning with the feeling of Rudyard Kipling's rhinoceros.

I have that itchy, displaced, jittery feeling as though my entire life is in flux, and I suppose it is. On the job front I am still waiting to hear back from the Mac store where I interviewed nearly two weeks ago now. They requested references but the last I heard, none of them had been contacted. I've been back in touch with them since then to check whether there was anything else I could do to expedite things but apparently all I can do is wait. In the meantime I'm still regularly submitting stories for the womens' lifestyle website, and my work with the other careers-related annual magazine is done.

I haven't applied for anything else in the meantime because this job seems so close to being 'got' as it were. But, it's triggering my anxiety because it is so important to me.

All else seems to be log-jammed behind it at the moment. Consider that mentally at least, I've decided that the best thing for me is to live alone in my own place. Yet I cannot move until I know I've got something to cover the rent. Thus I cannot yet start on a moving 'project' that would comprise slowly extracting my belongings from the shared parts of the house to either my bedroom or to packed boxes awaiting removal. Equally, I feel I cannot start any major 'home' projects, such as reconciling my music collection and getting a mixing timetable going again, or installing "Final Scratch" so I can - for the first time - mix digital files as well as just vinyl.

Love-wise I'm sorry to report that the invisible woman still isn't either one half of a happy relationship, or forgotten. I haven't heard from her in a month now, and cannot understand why her possible illness seems to prohibit any kind of communication whatsoever. A friend of mine told me the other day that if a woman stops communicating, it's over. I confess I don't want to believe that because I'm still emotionally invested in her, because her track record with communication in general is patchy at best, and most importantly because a prior reply she sent basically said that a lack of communication did not denote a lack of interest.

My best guess is that she's stil convalescing, but it irks me that she can't just say that. After all, that's all I need to know. I wouldn't be surprised if she's feeling like she has too much on her plate right now to even be able to think about another person, or that her doctor has advised she concentrate on getting herself well before attempting anything new that would require emotional commitment. However, I don't know whether that's a correct assumption because I can't get her to confirm or correct it. Still, she haunts me though, and it's often when I'm working in the garage that I'll catch myself daydreaming that she's arrived unannounced and, as I look up from my dismantled bike, there she is, walking down the driveway towards me.

Do I ask too much?

Fitness-wise I'm still feeling pretty puny after my mandatory respite from riding or lifting weights. I've managed three rides now since the big rib-cracking crash, the latest one is in the image above. Whilst I haven't really tested myself on any severe trails or difficult obstacles, the will is still there. That said, my ribs do still ache when I wake in the mornings, and late in the evenings. Maybe I should get an X-ray done just in case, but that'd be a lot of hassle to potentially find out what I already know - that a couple of ribs were indeed cracked and that there's nothing the doc can do except recommend rest.

Still, I feel my life's feet are buried in quicksand. Everything has a temporary feel to it, and I cannot rid myself of the feeling that I am just treading water - not moving towards my goals, not progressing, not learning, not evolving. It's frustrating.

Not much else to say right now *sighs*