It's not fair

Saying that I'm a man of principle is the nice way of describing it. Describing me as idealistic helps to explain why I have so little patience for malpractice - such as that incurred by some companies on a near-daily basis. When put under intense pressure though, or treated badly, that idealism quickly morphs into defiance.

Then I become a peculiar combination of things. The voice of everyone's conscience. Defender of the defenceless or downtrodden. Empowered by my perception of right and wrong to do whatever it takes to ensure the right result, regardless of whether it also happens to be the most profitable one or not.

My concept of "right" is a bit old-fashioned and eccentric. To me, "right" means that I actually BELIEVE AND UPHOLD the line, "In sickness and in health, until death do us part." Right does not include employees in the organisation I work for being reduced to tears or - worse - a hospital bed. "Right" is like communism but amongst a species that isn't too selfish to actually make it work - unlike humans. "Right" means that when I'm incapacitated through illness, my government says, "How can we help?", not, "You're not eligible." (Fuck me, even Americans get that now thanks to Obama). "Right" is when someone who tells you they love you isn't lying about their name, town, marital status, intentions, emotions, and pretty much everything else.

Now I hear the next-door neighbours will be gutting and rebuilding their house over the entire fucking summer of this year. The noise and mess will be so bad that the neighbours are actually moving into the apartment above the coffee shop around the corner until their new home is complete. My upstairs neighbours already gave their notice and will be in Thunder Bay by the time the work begins.

They didn't want to leave either.

So now, on top of everything else, that single scrap of stability in my life that I've fought for more than a year to get might be evaporated overnight with the signing of a single planning permit. If I have to move house, then I am seriously considering moving countries. I was willing to stick around when things looked like they might work out with Sarah but now I have no reason to stay. I have no property here, no family I haven't adopted, no career anymore thanks to a string of piss-poor employers, and no money of speak of. In fact the five biggest things Canada has given me are mountainbiking, exacerbated mental illness, divorce, near-bankruptcy, and near-death.

This weekend's been tough on me. And I can mountainbike anywhere on the planet.

I should probably sleep before I make a decision.