The internal struggle

I missed a dose yesterday morning and even that's enough to jangle my nerves, so strong are the meds. So this morning, Easter Monday 2010, I am having to try very hard indeed not to freely communicate to all and sundry how cheesed off I am to be at work on a public holiday.

It's blazing sunshine outside and - not surprisingly - the rate of traffic in the store equates to approximately 1.1 person per hour. It's deserted. I had to wait half an hour to get an Eastbound streetcar this morning, and yesterday morning half of Queen Street East was closed anyway! What a waste of time and money. We could have had a much needed team meeting. We could have closed and spring-cleaned both stores. We could have brainstormed the problems both stores face. We could have built a 2010-2015 business plan. We could, at least, have planned window displays for the next year but, instead, we're open.

And alas, as they say in the SAS, only proper planning and preparation prevent piss-poor performance.

Being an idealist makes me a great leader (when I'm not petrified) but also means that I live in a constant state of disappointment and frustration. This is one of those classic situations - when I have to try to care less about something. I also have to remember I took a part-time retail role so that I wouldn't be responsible for such things. My role here is just to show up, serve as best I can, and go home again. But I can't switch off my personality to the extent that I don't get frustrated when things are managed differently to the way I'd do it.

Another five-and-a-half hours to go. :o(