Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeet

I've always been open on my blog, and I've always told the truth. Even in the midst of an anxiety attack or suicidal depression, I've told the truth. So now I have to bend my own rule and refer to her again.

It's been twelve days, yet peeling off another layer of anxiety as I have, has been like ripping off a scab. You believe everything has healed underneath, so it surprises you when you bleed. Underneath the anxiety is heartbreak.

It's a different kind of pain, which is a change at least. I just wish I could stop myself hoping we'll still end up getting together somehow, even though I know that's impossible. I have to keep reminding myself that she doesn't exist - as described at least - anywhere but in my own mind.

I've been heartbroken before though, so I know it's only a matter of time before I feel OK again. It sure as shit hasn't happened yet though.