A brief note to say I finally lost my rag with the invisible woman and gave up on her. This is the last time I will speak of her on my blog.The whole experience has been pretty bizarre from start to end. I won't dwell on the 'he said, she said' of the argument we had the other day, suffice to say that we seem to have radically different ideas about what's real and what's make-believe.
The strangest thing of all is that she seems surprised...even outraged that I don't trust her or believe a single word she says anymore. To me, that's a perfectly logical human response to her inciting anxiety attacks in me, dissolving my self confidence to the extent that I started smoking cigarettes again, being repeatedly stood up, blatantly lied to, and being delivered a string of broken promises and a catalogue of excuses over a period of A WHOLE YEAR for not being able to meet!!! Not anywhere, anytime, any day of the week, for any duration. Not dinner, not the 'safe lunch', not a 30-minute chat over coffee, nothing. Whether alone or chapparoned. Whether in Sudbury, Ottawa, or Toronto.
I'm not even angry and heartbroken anymore - only bemused in that, "W.T.F.?", open-mouthed, can't help but laugh out loud, "...well how did you think I'd react to that?" way.
The whole experience is inexplicable to me.
To Blane, Rudi, Petra, Sarah's ma & pa:
If you do all really exist (because I can't even take that for granted), and any of you are reading this and have anything to say that you couldn't say before (despite me sending you my phone number, e-mail address, and postal address via Sarah more than seven months ago), then feel free to comment.
To everyone else:
Don't get your hopes up.
Message ends.
From (my) Mum: "Have just read Sarah in wonderland...You seem to have done the last by what you say but you could mail her and say you are changing address and email address and if she wants to meet she has to contact you before you move and actually meet you before then. If nothing happens you will then not have any reason to wonder about things, feel anxiety or remorse about what might have been or think you could have done more, and it may be easier in your own mind to move on knowing you have done all you could."
ReplyDeleteDon't worry Mum - I've already tried everything you suggest and got nowhere. I'm OK though, and I'm going to be OK. I'm stronger than before, and 100% comfortable that there is nothing more I could have done. xxx
ReplyDeleteOnwards and upwards my good friend. There are plenty of girls out there that deserve your attention more.
ReplyDeleteIt was never a relationship.....it was only an exchange of interactions....
Thank-you whomever you are. There was a time when I couldn't believe what you just said but - as I said to my Mum - I am stronger now.
ReplyDeleteThanks again.