Move phase one complete

Rarrrrr! I am man, the indomitable.

Feeling good today LOL. The movers were on time, the ex-wife was in good form, and the whole business was done-and-dusted by about one o'clock in the afternoon. We had to remove one door, a ten-feet long set of iron railings, and the legs from the sofa, but eventually we got it in. I really didn't think the rusty nuts on the bolts that secured the railings to the poured concrete were gonna come out. But the guys were geniuses. A quick rummage through his toolbox and Jason had dismantled the whole thing.

He'd be a fantastic saboteur.

Plus, I've unpacked all the boxes, and stowed the the packing materials in a transparent bin sack that stands nearly as tall as me in my socks. I had a fleeting thought that I might make some beanbags and use the polystyrene chips as filling. Then I imagined myself sat in front of a sewing machine, humming away. After a brief shudder I scrapped the whole idea.

Those polystyrene chips are devious little fuckers though. I assume it's static electricity that makes them as adhesive as that pink goo old people use to cement their dentures in with. I was only there for a couple of hours today and I already know that I'm going to be finding those little SOBs months from now. They stick to anything.

A funny thing happened while I was there. I'd reassembled the couch, and had my feet up on the Ottoman as I tried to figure out whether the TV programme I was watching was coming from cable or via an antenna on the roof. I heard a door open, and a guy popped into view over my left shoulder, through the lounge and the kitchen. He'd come down the indoor staircase to do his washing.

And there was me thinking, "Wow, it's so cool that the last tenant left behind all this washing powder and tumble-dryer sheets!"

So apparently the washing machine and tumble-dryer are shared with upstairs, which was news to me. Although it doesn't bother me that they are shared. The thought that did occur to me as the guy appeared between my bathroom door and the back door was, "Jesus christ, I could've been sprawled naked on the leather sofa with my favourite porno blaring from the TV, masturbating wildly."

At least the neighbour would always remember our first meeting.