Yet another epiphany

I react with most hostility and aggression to those who threaten my sources of security.

When I was completing my BA (Hons) in Business Communication, I was taught a great deal about organisational behaviour. One of the earliest and easiest theories I picked up was the 'staple' from Abraham Maslow, an American psychologist who died the year before I was born. It's pretty simple - he found out from doing studies on rhesus monkeys that the things any sentient being needs in its life in order to be well, stable, and satisfied, always fall into a hierarchy of importance (see right).

If someone (a boss, a partner, a friend) does something to threaten my sense of security then I react more strongly the lower down the hierarchy of needs one travels.

For example, the quickest way an employer can get his or head bitten off by me is to make me work such long hours that my sleep becomes deprived. This is why I've been suffering so much over the last three months, and why I have had to fight every day to keep my temper and not lose my job by 'exploding' at someone.

Similarly, in the case of Sarah, what she offered/promised me (without dwelling on details) was the completion of all my psychological needs, all my safety needs, all my belongingness/love needs, and a short-cut to many of the things further up the hierarchy than that.

In short, that's why she fucked me up so badly, and why she's still on my mind now.